Have you ever walked into a coffee shop and witnessed someone working away at a laptop or scrubbing in a notebook and wondered what they were so passionately focused on?
I love to write in coffee shops. It’s my self-love time. My guilty pleasure. My soul recharge. The taps of my keyboard transport me to a different time or location effortlessly.
I love cradling my coffee cup filled with a delicious treat and reading my words. Seeing my project come to life in black and white is so rewarding and exhilarating.
It’s been a while since I got lost in my computer and my story. I have been struggling to balance my time lately and one of the things I have sacrificed knowingly or maybe unknowingly; is my coffee shop time.
Last night I tossed and turned; unable to turn my head off. I was overtired and my anxiety was winning. I was consumed with the feeling that I’m not balancing my time properly combined with an ever growing to do list. The last few months have been a time of great transition. My weeks have been filled with true joy and wonderful excitement but also contained some painful and heartbreaking realities and realization. Last night I was consumed with the feeling that I’m not producing at the level I strive for in any of my relationships; not as a daughter, partner, or friend. This realization troubled me so much because these are my most important titles in life. This is self-induced pressure. A standard I have placed on myself because these roles for me hold great responsibility.
Most people who see me working in coffee shops or running errands or in any facet of my life probably would never guess that I suffer from anxiety because I work hard to cover it up or cope with it. Most days it’s very manageable with a well organized to do list, stack of post it notes and a highly detailed datebook. But other times, like last night; it seems crippling and defeating.
I took time today to be honest with myself about how I was feeling. The fears and emotions that have been stirring. That helped. I wrote my to do list and I tackled the first thing, then a few more. That helped too. I’m feeling better and have a plan. It all helps. 🖤