Yesterday I sat on my office floor and cried. This isn’t intended to be some hyper vulnerable post where you read it and you’re like “ummm...are you ok?” Lol, no just stay with me for a minute, or stop reading here.
Yesterday I sat on my office floor and cried because Nik (my husband) watched one of my films and didn’t react with the expectation I put in my head of HOW I wanted him to react.
I get caught in this intensity - this dire need to have these stories I get to tell make my viewers feel something, anything...sometimes too much so where I need to remember people aren’t always going to respond to it in the way that I did when I made it, and that it’s OK.
I took Nik’s reaction negatively, when in fact it was actually really positive, just different than I anticipated. He guided me through my teary self by saying, “Instead of putting this immense pressure on yourself to be great, to make each film better than the last, continue to make your films different, unique. Craft them for the story that they are.” Aside from the necessities, there is really no step-by-step guide about what makes an impactful film - it’s far more about catering the meaning of it to those need it. Each of us in our growth, face this weird reality that our work isn’t for everybody, and then you realize that’s actually pretty cool.
The learning never stops, that’s for damn sure, and that was a lesson that slapped me right in the face. Once I let my pride down and actually listened to him instead of continuing to defend myself, I heard him. I needed that. Then he picked me up off the floor and poured me a beer and we laughed...and that’s one of the infinite reasons why I married him.
SO, thank you if you made it this far, I hope that made sense. Here’s to crying on your office floor, learning from it, and moving on 🍻 I’m sure we’ve all done it a time or two...or twenty.